The Kalem Society

This page originally published 09/19/2008.

TRANSCRIPT

STEVE (narrating): 3:42 PM, After a brisk walk and another dose, I start the break in.

I’d prefer not to go into the details of how I go about this procedure, lest it be used against me at a later date. Suffice it to say that I don’t make it far. I’m barely through the door when I’m suddenly overcome by a crushing fatigue in my limbs and a pounding, brutal hammer in my skull.

I reach for my bottle of Olanzapine, but my hands are shaking and I spill the meds all over the floor. I struggle for just one pill, knowing that another dose can save me, but then I stop.

Of course, the poison was in the meds all along! How could I have been so blind? I should have stopped taking those damn things ages ago, and then I wouldn’t be in this mess right now.

I look up at the shadowy figure in the doorway and I know he’s not just another one of my phantoms. This is it, I’m pretty much defenseless. I know my life is supposed to flash before my eyes but I think somebody else’s did, instead. He sure looks like me, though; doing all the things I wish I had done. How can I think about all the stuff I’ve done when all the things I haven’t done are so much louder?

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